Being a working mom is a real struggle. Don’t get me wrong; I love my job and I’m grateful that I’m well-compensated. What bothers me is the guilt of not being able to take care of my little one as much as I want to.
I feel guilty that I’m only able to spare too little time for him each day. I spend almost 12 hours in total working and travelling to and from my workplace. I sleep for approximately 5 hours per day, sometimes less. That leaves me with just 7 hours to squeeze in everything from eating, taking a shower, washing bottles and pump parts, pumping, doing some household chores and finally, spending time with my baby.
I feel bad that I have to pump instead of having him latch directly. I was able to do it during the entire span of my maternity leave but I had to feed him my breastmilk in a bottle when I returned to work a couple of months post partum.
I dread that I have to let somebody else take care of him instead of doing it by myself. Knowing how clingy my son is, I worry about him not being held too much when I’m away from home.
I feel guilty that I’m not the one who changes his nappies all the time. I feel like a shit mom for not having the time to wash his clothes by myself. I dread that I can’t always be the one to lull him to sleep and play with him.
I feel guilty about a lot of things…and it sucks. Definitely, mom guilt has smacked me really hard. I guess I just have to keep on reminding myself that I’m doing what’s best for him.